Basically, this is just something to get all of the racing thoughts out of my head, so I can breathe again.


My family is suffocating me. I feel like every day, hour, minute, second, moment, they are always watching me. I realize that living in a house with four other people means it's hard to find privacy...but they watch me for a different reason.


It hasn't been that long since all of the madness that took place...but I feel like they view me as a ticking bomb. I've lost it twice before, and now, they figure that if they keep me in view at all times, it'll stifle the explosion and prevent the entire occurrence.


What prevents it is having personal space. If i'm even in the shower for too long, they're knocking on the door and asking me if i'm okay.


I realize that they care, but I just want to be able move freely. The only way that I can talk about any of this is by typing it out. My frustration is difficult to express by words alone. A story can be told be silence, as much as it can by speech.


And guys? A whole other story. I do realize that in high school, it's your time to figure out these things, experience heartbreak and unrequited infatuation. But for now, I have to be honest. It sucks.


I do like somebody, but i'm far too shy to admit it...and plus, according to the majority of the people that I know, guys like "the thrill of the chase"


Well, the thrill of the chase can suck my dick.


The way that said boy is acting at this very moment, I can just tell that it isn't going to happen. Another guy who doesn't like me back. Another heartbreak, and harsh life lesson. I've already learned too much this year, lost my faith in the goodness of people, and genuine benevolence. Most of the time, it's artificial. We all use each other for different reasons.


I guess it's just nice to know that i've finally figured it out.